Are you looking for love in all the wrong places?

'The best way to get over a man is to get under a new man.'

Betty White

This may be true for some and it also may be true in some situations however it is good to consider this as being the potential reason why you might not want to do that:

 

  1. if you are currently in the pattern of starting a new relationship before the existing relationship is finished, or
  2. if you tend to find yourself in relationships that end up going no where after a period of time but you keep finding yourself in the same type of relationships, or
  3. perhaps you find yourself going on one or two dates and are dating and dating but nothing seems to work.

this is a great time to pause and ask yourself,

 

‘What is it I’m looking for and why am I putting in so much effort to find the one if nothing is clicking?

 

When you get into the pattern of  relationships that go nowhere, and stall after a period of time, what you are looking for will not show up because the type of person you are really wanting to have a relationship with is not going to show up because you are not in alignment with that level of neediness you are energetically putting out there.

 

The type of person you are wanting to have a relationship with has a higher level of awareness of who he or she is.

 

It requires you to take a step back and have a look at what it is that you want and need and to discover the hidden parts of you that perhaps feels as though you don’t really deserve that level of love.

 

Interestingly enough, we all want that level of divine and committed love. We even go so far as to say to others, ‘I want someone to love me for me, I want to feel respected and loved, I want to be treated well, I want to feel safe to be myself’, and you deserve all of that, yet are we those things for ourselves?

 

Do you treat yourself with the same level of divine and committed love that you want to receive?

 

Your mind tells you YES, ABSOLUTELY YES!

 

Yet their exists hidden beliefs within yourself that prevent you from aligning to this level.

 

This is why.

 

Because, since forever, we have been conditioned to put the needs of others before our own. To behave in ways so we don’t upset others. To tip-toe on eggshells so we don’t make someone angry. To be responsible for other people’s feelings.

 

Let me say that again – we have been conditioned to not be selfish and do whatever we need so that other people are happy.

 

This doesn’t leave a lot of room for you to nurture your love for yourself, grow your self-esteem, take care of your needs, have the courage to ask for what you need and trust your intuition that a person is either good or not so good for you.

 

When you give yourself a break you give yourself the time to see how you are treating yourself. How are you feeling? What do you need? How are you talking to yourself when you look in the mirror? Do you beat yourself up for past mistakes? Is there a belief you have deep down that no one will love you because of your age or the shape of your body or something else? 

 

Are you wanting someone else to fill the empty space inside or are you giving yourself permission to take care of yourself.  You don’t do this enough.  

 

It can feel scary to spend time getting to know yourself. It feels uncomfortable, like awkward silence, but the work is so well worth your time and uncomfortableness because it will make all the difference in the quality of relationships that you have.

 

If you feel that you need some support, you are welcome to contact me to book a complimentary 30 minute conversation to see how my coaching can help you.

Love,

Irist

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