Why you shouldn’t make your body wrong for their bad behaviour.

She said this out loud!

I recently created an account on TikTok (TikTok is a less than 60s social media video platform) to see what it was all about.  I had no idea what to expect but I am quite surprised to see the people of the world sharing their talents, wisdom, tips, pets and stories.  What really surprises me are the number of video’s where women are sharing their online dating experiences.  Some are funny but I see a common thread emerging as I watch, and that is:  how insecure women feel about how they look.

I’ve been following one woman who is in her early 30s I’m guessing.  She is investing a fair bit of time connecting and getting to know men online with the hopes that a meeting will lead to a second date and so on but she is becoming very frustrated because she is being ghosted, dates are cancelling at the last minute, they are no showing, lots of bad behaviour, etc….. frustrating to say the least.

She was explaining this in one of her video’s and then she said,

‘I hate my body!’


I felt sad for her and every woman out their that believes that their worthiness is somehow tied to how their body looks.  Women place so much pressure on themselves to lose weight, hide stretch marks and cellulite, get rid of lines and wrinkles, etc.   Why do we do that?

I did a video on TikTok that spoke to this woman and every other woman feeling this way.  Its a short 60s video that you can watch here:   Don’t do this to yourself.


Your body is NOT the reason someone no shows, behaves badly on dates or ghosts you.


Please don’t do this to yourself.  Don’t make your body responsible for the bad behaviour of others.

As a self-love coach I have had to do my own work around love and compassion for this body that I am blessed to have in this life in. Your body is to be cherished because without it, you wouldn’t be here.   

Here is what I tell every client and woman that I speak with when she feels insecure about her body:  Love the skin you’re in.  If there is something that you would like to change because it will make you healthier and it makes you feel good about yourself and increases your self-confidence then do it. Do it for you and not because you believe that it will help you attract ‘a good one’ or somehow get more love from someone.

It doesn’t work like that!  

You have to feel good about who you are on the inside.  I know people who have beautiful bodies and faces to match but they are really ugly on the inside.

There’s a reason she is attracting and reacting. 

It’s been my experience that when you hold yourself to a higher standard (this doesn’t mean you’re a snob or stuck up), know who you are and what you want and raise your bar, your higher vibration will attract someone that has a higher standard for themselves, they know who they are and what they want and have raised their bar too.  

Holding yourself to a higher standard means you trust yourself, you believe in yourself, you like who you are and although you have compassion, you aren’t open to playing around with people who haven’t done their own inner healing.

It also means that you don’t take their behaviour personally.

One final change in perspective

It’s really easy to be brave behind messenger and any dating app.  Their ghosting and no shows may have everything to do with their own insecurities and even their own beliefs about their worthiness to be with you.

Something to think about.  Love and compassion flows all around.

Sending you love,


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