why your well-being needs to be YOUR 1st priority

Why is it so difficult for so many to take time for themselves, to take care of their own well-being and what happens when we do and why is it so important that we do?

It makes us happier.  It helps us respond vs react to situations.  We become less fearful.  We experience less stress (worry about the past) and anxiety (worry about the future). It makes up happier and we live happier lives and have more to give to others.

When I encourage people to do this, this is some of the push back I hear;  

  • I would if I could but I have kids, or
  • I’m so busy, I just don’t have time, or
  • I can’t do that, I have responsibilities, or
  • Every time I try to do something for myself, I get told I’m selfish, and
  • I feel too guilty.

Our needs for personal care varies based on what’s going on in our life…  sometimes we need less time to regroup and other times we need more.

And all of that I completely understand but all of that belongs to an OLD, and out-dated model of living life and we need to upgrade our priorities moving forward in our life because the way of the world is changing significantly and we need to adjust in order life a healthy balanced life.

We can’t keep stressing ourselves out, and numbing ourselves just to try and cope. 

We need to upgrade so we thrive instead of just bobbing above the surface or for some of us, occasionally sinking below.

We need to teach our younger generations to be confident in who they are

to be independent thinkers so they have an easier time collaborating thoughts and ideas, and to have compassion for themselves and others,  because these are, in my opinion, are skills that will be vital for them and all of us.  

So let’s break this down:

Why is it so hard for us to make ourselves a priority in our life because although everyone has done it, they know how they feel afterwards and how they respond to the world around them when they do.

  1. First of all many of us were taught to put the needs of others before our own and to be responsible for how others feel.  

Maybe you heard something like this growing up:  If you do this, if you’re a good boy or girl, or, if you behave , It will make me very happy or I wont have to … get upset or be mad at you.

Those words cause a child to take responsibility for their parents or caregivers feelings.  

So we grow up believing we need to take care of how other people feel and their happiness. We equate that to being loved and accepted. When we believe we have made someone else happy, we feel loved in return.

What do children want more than anything?  To be loved an accepted.

What do adults want more than anything?  To be loved and accepted!

But as adults when we see and feel how we thrive and how clear headed and how good it makes us feel we are better able to help take care of others, we are often told were being selfish because the other person hasn’t realized that they too need to take care of their own well-being and we are in a sense showing them the way — the message is not always received.

    2. Lets look at another scenario:  The guilt trip

Many of us are familiar with the guilt trip.  A common one is ‘after all I’ve done for you’.

Again, it is the responsibility for someone else’s well-being and in both cases the other person gets to be the victim and continue to be disempowered while we, the person on the other side, continue to give our power away hoping to receive love and acceptance in return.

I think the biggest lesson to be learned here

is to have that love and acceptance for ourselves and to not seek it externally, however that’s easier said than done.

    3.  Let’s look at the concept of push push push to succeed, to keep so many balls in the air, to carry ALL the responsibility of everything on our shoulders.

This to me is a fear, trust and control issue.  

  • I don’t trust my business partner while I’m away, or,
  • I don’t trust the father of my children to take care of the kids.

In some cases that might be true but in a lot of cases we are too scared to ask for help or we have set things up so we feel we have a level of security, stability and certainty (a root chakra element) so letting someone take over for a short while could potentially causes us more stress, because we aren’t controlling our stability, and thereby we don’t get to truly relax.

Basically, I’m the only one who can run the show.  If I let go, everything will fall apart and then what happens>>> that’s a scary thought for some.

If this is you, take that in for a second and contemplate how this fear controls your life and what you could potentially let someone else take over for you?

But here is what’s truly important 

As we continue to evolve and ascend to a higher level of consciousness, we are learning that we need to learn to trust ourselves to, take care of our own inner well-being, to be more balanced which in turn creates more balance in our life.

Our external environment and experiences is always direct reflection of our inner world.

When we give to ourselves, we have more to give to others.

When we love ourselves, we have people in our life who love us for who we are.

If you have small children you already know they are not like you were when you were young and they definitely are not like their grandparents either.

More and more children already have a strong will, making parenting and schooling very challenging.  We need to find our well of well-being so we can guide them again to their future full potential ….. Not an easy undertaking because so many parents have been raised from an older model of how children should be raised so it can be quite challenging.

As a parent it’s vital to make time for yourself as often as you can because it recharges you, it gives you more patience and you will find you are more calm.  In turn they learn that their lovability and deservedness doesn’t revolve around your happiness and they learn the skills to take care of themselves too.

Lots of love and light.  

 

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