Can I trust you with my heart
Photo by Pixabay
In a vulnerable state, tears can spring to your eyes as you tap into the deeper meaning of what that means for you and the fear that lives behind those words.
For people who have experienced a lot of heartbreak and pain they have a hard time trusting other people, being vulnerable, opening up and letting others in.
This is not just in a romantic sense, it also applies to any relationship.
They either avoid relationships altogether or they go into relationships with their hearts closed.
In this episode we explore what, ‘Can I trust you with my heart’, might mean for you. I hope you enjoy this episode.
Photo by Pixabay
When you think of love do you think of the indescribable, feeling you have for a pet or a child or do you think about what another person needs to look like, to act like, or be like before you even let them get anywhere close to your heart?
For those hurt by love over and over again, it’s easy to have built a fortress around their heart and rightly so. No one wants to feel the undescribable dark cloud and pain of losing love. That fierce feeling of being disconnected from the very essence of who we are, which is love.
We learn to love with conditions, judgments and labels; labels about who we are and labels about who other people are.
This is loving from a place of fear and creates separation.
The more heartbreak we experience in life and lose sight of our inability to forgive ourselves and others, the more closed off we become from our ability to love wild and free LIKE that feeling of love we have for our pets and our children.
We forget the frequency of our own heart and how that is what connects us to the heart of another.
Each one of the heartbreaks and disappointments we experience cause us to protect our heart and yet the essence that lives within us knows that we cannot be separate from it either.
That’s why so many are out there looking for love.
People say that relationships are hard
And maybe they are but maybe not for the reasons we believe they are hard.
Maybe they are hard and disappointing because we have placed so many conditions and expectations about what love should be that we break our own heart.
As I look at my own experiences with love, loss and hurt, I wondered if there was a part of me that would ever be willing to be vulnerable and allow myself to connect to the heart of another.
Could the same be true for you?
If we don’t connect from the heart then how ARE we connecting with others?
Do we connect to what someone can give us? Do we connect with someone’s potential? Do we connect with how someone can take care of us? Do we connect with someone because of how they look or what they have? Do we connect with someone because it is better than being alone?
These are expectations disguised as love. This denies us the true experience of what the frequency of love really is. If we take away all of the expectations what is left?
When love comes around
My last relationship really meant a lot to me. The love I had for him meant a lot to me. Things were not working out and as difficult as it was I chose to leave that relationship.
Just because we choose to end a relationship doesn’t mean we arent hurting. We all need time to reflect, to forgive, to heal and come to know who we are at a much deeper level.
The work brings up a lifetime of hurt and disappointment.
The experiences were hard to go through, the healing was hard to go through too but I wouldn’t trade a heartbeat because it has allowed me to forgive myself, forgive him, and forgive a family member that caused me heartbreak at a young age.
Forgiveness releases us from Karma. We no longer need to repeat the same lessons.
But it doesn’t mean that fear doesn’t bubble up to the surface when there is an opportunity to love again.
When you come from the place of being ready to connect with someone new, what can happen is that there will be people who show up in your life that match the frequency of your readiness AND people who you once used to date.
This reminds of a scene from Eat, Pray, Love. Julia Roberts took a year off after leaving her marriage to find herself. During her travels she went to Bali.
While she was there she went to a party and met a man she was very attracted to. They left the party and went down to the beach for a late night swim. As he was stripping naked she quickly realized something, and as she was laughing (likely to herself) she said, ‘I dated you in college’.
She didn’t need to experience someone that she had already experienced years ago.
By this point in her journey to find herself again she was starting to feel better and was well on her way to forgiving herself for leaving her marriage.
She also met another man in Bali who accidentally ran her off the road on her bicycle. He liked her and was persistent in wanting to spend time with her.
As they got to know each other their connection grew and their like for each other started blossoming into love.
Both were hurt in their past. Both had to heal. Both were scared to love again. He was more open to taking the leap of faith. She resisted his openness and vulnerability so she pushed him away.
In case you haven’t seen the show I won’t tell you what happened.
This describes beautifully though the fear of someone new and recognizing the ones that were part of your karmic past.
When those people show up, it’s very interesting to observe the interaction.
- You hear things said that cause you to back away from them, or
- Things that cause you to lean into them because something they say is in resonance with who you are today and it feels good to you, and
- To also notice when their openness scares you and causes you to back away.
Their openness and vulnerability, scares you.
And perhaps what we are unconsciously asking them is, ‘Can I trust you with my heart?’
Can I trust you with my heart?
But what if the question should be, ‘Can I trust myself with my own heart?’
Can I remain open to seeing who the other person is; without judgment. without criticism. without making a finite decision about whether that person is or is not right for me?
Can I remain open to the experience and allow them to show me who they are and can I remain open to filtering through what is being said and what they are showing me so I can discover if there is congruency between their words and their actions.
Can I trust myself with my own heart?
Can I trust my intuition?
To take all of my past experiences and notice the ones who show up that look like the ones I used to date and not ignore the red flags?
Can I trust myself to feel a connection and notice my fears, lean into my fears and allow myself to feel the fear but remain curious about who this other person is, without giving my body away before my heart has made a connection?
Can I trust myself to take whatever time I need to feel comfortable with another person to share the more intimate parts of who you are?
Can I remain open to the experience?
Can I be with every thought feeling and emotion that comes up and take my time getting to know someone?
Can I take a breath when the fear starts to bubble up to the surface so I can remain open to the flow of love instead of the resistance of fear?
And maybe like the indescribable feeling we have for our pets or a child and how love flows freely and effortlessly without putting any definition or terms around the love, maybe relationships aren’t as hard as we think they are.
What happens when you trust yourself
Maybe by trusting in yourself you create the space for each other to be who each are, without condition, and without judgment.
Freedom and space to be loved and to be accepted.
Maybe by trusting yourself with your own heart you will allow someone to love you for who you are.
I hope you find this slightly poetic episode helpful.
My work is helping women heal the pain from their past, and reconnect with who they truly are so they feel free to love.
If you would like to know more about me and my work please take a look around my website, subscribe to my newsletter or connect on Instagram @IrisSirianni or book a time to talk about what is going for you.
Until the next episode
Be you. Be brave. Forgive yourself and others. Live big. Trust yourself. Make the tough decisions even though it may break your heart. Trust that what and who leaves your life is meant to leave. Have faith that the space that’s left will be filled with new experiences and opportunities that expand your heart and your life.