Maybe you’re struggling to have boundaries in your relationship. If you are, know that you are not alone. Boundaries are one of those skills that many people struggle with.
- They are crucial to your well-being,
- They are crucial to your mental health,
- They are crucial to the relationship you have with yourself,
- They are crucial to the healthy relationships with others, and
- They are crucial to your happiness.
Boundaries are very important and yet it’s a skill you’re not taught AND even though you know they are good for you, you also a tremendous amount of fear having them.
If boundaries are so good why are they so difficult to have?
There are a couple of reasons why they are so difficult to cultivate.
The obvious reason being that we have been conditioned put the needs of others before our own and not be so selfish.
This belief comes from an old, outdated paradigm and is no longer relevant in this new age of Aquarius.
We are officially in a new era where self-love, taking care yourself, and making yourself the priority is needed so that you are able to help others without sacrificing and exhausting yourself.
You may already have already been working on having better boundaries; sometimes you’re feeling good about the concept and say to yourself, ‘yes, I can do this’, and then you back peddle because it is extremely uncomfortable.
The fear of what you may lose
Not only are we conditioned to put the needs of others before our own we are also creatures of possession; meaning it is not easy for us to let go of what no longer belongs in our life.
We have such a fear of losing what we so desperately love and want to have that we give our power away to someone or something. Instead of cultivating healthy, balanced relationships we create co-dependency. We put up with narcissist and unhealthy relationships. We feel taken advantage of, under-valued and under-appreciated.
In my last article: How guilt sabotages boundaries
I said, ‘How we do anything is how we do everything‘, which means
If you struggle with boundaries in your romantic relationship you likely also struggle with them with:
- friends,
- family,
- children, and
- work colleagues.
I am sure you are tired of feeling this way. I know I was because this was me!
Drawing a line in the sand
Learning boundaries takes confidence in yourself.
Do you know someone that has no difficulty at all standing up for themselves or politely turning down an offer or a request?
How do you feel around them?
There will either be a feeling of:
- rejection or feeling bad or guilty for asking in the first place,
- being caught off guard because they declined or said, “No”, or
- admiration that they are so confident.
Confidence is an empowering quality. It shows others that you value yourself, your time, and your well-being.
If you lose something because you have to draw a line in the sand it shows you that something was either not right for you, that you have outgrown it or it needed rebalancing to be healthier.
The fear of losing someone or something (like a job) does not bring you happiness, fulfillment, and joy and does not lead you to living your best life.
What line in the sand will you draw today?