I know you! You are a good person. You are kind, caring, generous, and have a lot of compassion. Yet, you find yourself in relationships where you are unhappy, unappreciated, taken advantage of and what you give is not always reciprocated
My belief is that when you love, appreciate, value, and respect who you are, you are less likely to tolerate bad behaviour. You speak up when you have something to say or feel disrespected. You fearlessly walk away from potential new relationships and let relationships that no longer work, dissolve.
Learning to love, appreciate, and value who you are is NOT being a snob and it is NOT selfish. It is understanding that YOU and how you feel, really matters!
A romance story. What would you do?
She met a man online. The first date was a coffee and walk date. He told her he wasn’t looking for anything serious and just wanted something casual.
What she really wanted, was a healthy, committed relationship yet her experience so far was cycling through seasonal flings and non-committal men who only contacted her when they wanted female companionship.
The next few dates were hot and heavy and they seemed to hit it off. She likes him. They have a lot in common and they laugh.
Then there was radio silence.
She would text him and his responses were short.
She invited him to get together but he had excuses why he wasn’t available.
She was hurt and confused.
Then he contacted her and it was on again. Until it wasn’t.
Repeat cycle. Again, she was hurt, confused, and now angry.
Until he called again. She was still hurt, confused, and angry but was happy to see him again.
The Obvious Sign
They don’t want the same thing!
She’s looking to build a castle with someone. He’s looking for a good time.
When you are ready and want a healthy, committed relationship and they tell you they only want something casual or they aren’t ready for a relationship, this is not when you tell yourself, ‘Cool! Let’s see where this goes because there’s sexual chemistry and they have potential.’
In this scenario, she showed him that she was okay being on-call for him. There was no expectation for him to open his heart for her because he told her he only wants something casual.
As she continued to be available to him, complaining, yet tolerating his randomness and uncertainty about when they would get together next, she felt more and more unloveable, not good enough, like she was just a convenient option, and unimportant in his life.
He is not interested in building a castle with her now, or maybe ever.
What to do
Be honest with yourself. Are they truly what you want right now? You never want to date someone for their potential.
Trust yourself. Walking away leaves the door open for what you do want to come in.
Love and peace,
Iris