You are giving it everything you’ve got. You’re trying to be creative, spontaneous, giving them space when you think they need it, doing more things for them, trying to do more things for yourself, biting your tongue so as not to make waves, and even suggesting counseling but nothing is helping.
Sometimes you feel a glimmer of hope. Sometimes they become a little bit responsive and you become a bit happier. But it doesn’t last.
Overall you feel sad, unhappy, and don’t know what to do. You’ve contemplated leaving the relationship but just as soon as those thoughts pop into your head, they are quickly chased away with all sorts of reasons why you can’t do that.
On one hand, you feel dissatisfied in the relationships, and on the other hand, you love this person and want to make it work.
You just want to be happy!
What are you so unhappy about?
What is the cause of unhappiness in relationships?
From my perspective, unhappiness in relationships is usually one or a combination of these things:
- needing your partner to be different,
- not wanting the same things from life,
- emotional needs going unmet, and
- lack of trust, openness, and communication.
What is keeping you there?
If you know that you are unhappy and you can see yourself in one or more of the reasons, why do you stay in a relationship that isn’t working?
There are three reasons, that come to mind when I consider what is keeping you there.
One is the time you have already invested in the relationship.
When you share your heart, your soul, your life with someone it is not only an investment of months or year’s worth of time, it is also a significant investment of your emotional energy.
It’s not easy to walk away and let go of the time and energy that has gone into being with your significant person, especially when feelings of love are still there. So you hang on and keep trying hoping that things will get better.
The second reason is the thought that your person will be everything you needed them to be for the next person in their life.
It is true that your person may find a new relationship that is a good connection but the same is true for you also. It is just as possible that the person in your next relationship is a better match for you!
Most often though, people play out their patterns in relationships which means if your person is one way in a relationship with you chances are they will be the same way in their next relationship. The same would be true for you also.
These patterns are subconscious beliefs that are present until we heal and change.
The third reason is the fear of being alone.
People confuse being alone with feeling lonely.
The problem with being in a relationship that you are unhappy in is that you are likely already feeling lonely inside of the relationship.
Perhaps you don’t have a fear of being alone at all. Perhaps being on your own for a while is exactly what you need so you have the time to build a better relationship with yourself.
Moving foward
Your happiness matters. What you want matters. What you need matters. You matter.
Will you choose yourself? Do you need support?
Book a consultation to discover what moving forward looks like for you.
Leave a comment below and let me know how this resonated with you.
With love,
Iris
Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash