When you feel lost in life
Have you ever felt lost in life, and like you have no purpose, or direction or you don’t know what to do next?
This is a super unsettling place to be in and what you want more than anything is to figure it out as quickly as possible.
However, this places a lot of pressure on you and it’s precisely opposite of what you could be doing that would make the transition less stressful and anxiety-inducing.
This is what we’re talking about in this episode.
- Why we get lost in life
- Why feeling lost is a good place to be
- The best way to move through this time
I decided to do this episode because I’m currently in this exact place of ’what am doing? and ‘Where am I supposed to be’,
Feeling like you are lost in life and like you don’t know what to do next has to be the most confusing and uncomfortable place to be.
It also brings up feelings of unworthiness and we can question our life, and shame ourselves for not being where we think we should.
It’s painful!
It’s painful because there is an enormous feeling of instability and uncertainty and a lot of pressure both externally, perhaps from family or a partner, but also internally from ourselves to have our life figured out.
What we do is this heavy mental pushing to get it figured out.
We run circles in our mind, what happened, how did we get here, how do I fix this, I have to figure this out.
One of the problems with this is that we only have our past as a reference to help us figure it out!
The funny thing about this is that our past is the exact reason we find ourselves in this lost place but that’s not a bad thing at all. It’s actually a good thing and I’ll explain why shortly.
Why using our past and future to figure things out is unhelpful
We have no idea about what will happen in the future.
Sometimes we’re only a little lost. We may have an idea of what we want but we don’t know what the future will look like and we don’t really know everything that needs to happen to get us there.
There are also those times when we have no clue and no idea about what we want in the future. There is so much confusion and darkness that we don’t know what we want because we are going through such a big internal shift.
The future doesn’t really help us moving through this transition at all.
The current moment doesn’t either because we are where we are and we are already feeling frustrated with where we are even though being in the moment is how we move through this experience and I’ll talk about this shortly also.
Which leaves our past as the only experience to draw from.
The past can serve us very well when we have learned lessons from our experiences to move us forward in life but it’s not helpful when you’re in that place of feeling lost because we can’t fix problems from the same lens that brought us to where we are.
We need to see things from a different perspective.
Before we do that though, let’s talk about
How do we get to this ‘lost’ place?
We usually find ourselves in this place after the loss of something that was important to us such as the end of a significant relationship, losing a job or the end of a career path or business, a death of someone close to us, a health scare, making a big move or an event that affects all humanity.
Any or all of these can jolt us out of our current reality into wanting something different from life but we may not have this awareness yet or know what that is.
And of course we made choices and decisions along the way and life always has ups and downs to add to the complexity of our experiences. Life is never just cut and dried.
Any combination of all things lead us to this place and as with all life transitions we need time to process, to let go of what was and become settled into a new way of being. A new way that we’ve never been before.
We’re leaving who we used to be and all the experiences we had and moving on to a new chapter in life.
I mentioned earlier that being lost is a good place to be even though it doesn’t feel very good.
Why lost a good place to be?
Lost is a good place to be because you are stepping out of who you used to be, which no longer serves you on your highest path and you’re stepping into being someone you have never been before.
What’s important to remember is that you’re having this experience because deep down at a soul level you already knew that there were things in your life that didn’t feel right for you anymore and so life is moving you forward and that’s why lost is a good place to be.
Life, god, the universe, is helping you. Maybe you wish it would help you by sending you money or fixing your relationship or bringing your ex back but that would be too easy and you wouldn’t learn what you needed to learn.
It doesn’t feel comfortable because it’s a place of unknowns and uncertainty, as we let go of one and step into another, especially when we have pressure from the outside world to fix it and figure it out and whatever it you’re going to do, do it fast!
We are being pushed into survival mode and when we cant figure it out in a reasonable amount of time we start to beat ourselves up and torment ourselves with negative self talk; what’s wrong with me, why cant I figure this out, I’m so stupid and a whole flurry of other things we say to ourselves.
There is so much pressure and it causes even more confusion and uncertainty.
So what are you supposed to do when you don’t know what you want, and you don’t know what to do next?
There is no easy quick fix guide but
The easiest way through
Are you ready for the answer? It may surprise you but here it is……
Accept where you are and do nothing.
This is not a time for doing, it’s a time for being, and for resting and for processing and releasing.
There is so much resistance to being where we are at any given time in our life because we believe we should be somewhere else that we’re not.
One of my favourite sayings is, ‘You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be because here you are.’
If you were meant to be anywhere else you would be. You are exactly at the right place for your growth, but we have let society place so much pressure on us to reach certain milestones by the time we’re 20s , 30, 40, 50, 60, and it’s unrealistic because life and people are not cookie cutter.
So when we don’t meet these expectations we feel judged because we haven’t figured out our money stuff or we don’t know what we want to do next with our life or where we belong or that our business venture failed or that we are going through another divorce or bankruptcy but what’s worse is that we judge ourselves and feel embarrassed and we feel like a failure.
But what if you had some compassion for yourself and don’t place so much pressure on yourself to have it all figured out and be somewhere other than where you are because as I mentioned, where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
What if you could give yourself permission to rest in the space.
Just like when Fall turns into Winter there is a do nothing period because there is a regeneration process going on beneath the surface that will eventually have new life come up in the Spring but it needs this time.
Nature doesn’t force new life to grow.
What if you turned off the pressure to push through, figure it out, fix it, and get it done and instead just gave yourself some time and space for your own regeneration process to happen?
Let’s say that your answer is yes to these questions. What do you do in the meantime?
What do you do in the meantime then?
In the meantime you focus on you:
- you make time in your day, everyday to meditate and listen to silence.
- you do things that make you feel calm and happy; like go be in nature and have long walks, or take a nap, or go for a workout or go to a retreat or learn something new or start that creative project you’ve been wanting to start.
This is truly a time for reflection and rest, taking care of your overall well-being and only doing things that inspire you and bring you joy because when you’re in this space you’re probably not experiencing a lot of happiness and joy and if you do, are the moments fleeting?
Creating a wellness routine for yourself is also a good thing during this time. Healthy routines help us stay focused and committed to our self-care. It’s very easy to slip into depression and become unmotivated.
My morning routine is an hour of meditation and then I do my workout and yes, I do get up early to do this before I start my work.
When you meditate everyday things will come up – let them.
You may cry. You may fall asleep. You may feel anxious. You may feel irritated. You may feel restless.
Then you’ll start to feel more calm. Then you’ll start to feel some inspiration. Then you’ll start to have new ideas. Then you’ll start to see new opportunities show up.
And before you realize it, without a lot of pressure to do and fix and figure anything out, you’ll notice that you’re moving on from that space in a natural flow.
But we haven’t been taught that it’s okay to embrace this time and that it’s a big part of our own internal evolution which in turn helps the entire world’s evolution.
So the key is to keep yourself from falling back into the mindset that you have to figure it out, and fix it and do something.
Trust that by giving yourself this time and space you will be shown the way.
I hope you have enjoyed this episode.
My work is helping women heal from their past and the patterns that are played out in their unhealthy relationships.
If you would like to know more about my work please visit my website at irissirianni.com and book a complimentary consultation to learn more about how my coaching programs may help you on your healing journey.
Until the next episode,
Be brave. Forgive yourself and others. Live big. Trust yourself. Make the tough decisions even though it may break your heart. Trust that what and who leaves your life is meant to leave. Have faith that the space that’s left will be filled with new experiences and opportunities that expand your heart and your life.