You may not always recognize the person looking back at you in the mirror.
You may have become disconnected from who you are and lost your sense of self.
We all experience shifts in our identity at various times in life and it doesn’t feel good. It’s confusing and it can feel like you are wandering around in a desert looking for something not knowing what you’re looking for.
There are two situations that I’ve seen that contribute to this.
Was it ever fully developed
Sometimes our sense of self may never have been fully developed growing up. This is quite common because many people are people pleasers.
If you are a people pleaser your focus is on making others happy. You are adaptable and attuned to others and not to yourself. Your identity is formed based on the needs of others.
It is why you find that you are different around different people and struggle to have an opinion because you agree with all opinions.
Another common reason is the pursuit of perfection that comes from the desire to be accepted by an overly critical parent.
If the focus is on acceptance you jump through hoops trying to receive validation but it’s never enough. You never have the opportunity to form a healthy sense of self.
Traumatic Relationships
Relationships can definitely put a dent in your sense of self and identity.
If you tend to be anxious in your relationships your focus is directed to fear of the relationship ending. You are vigilant (albeit subconsciously) and on the lookout for proof that something is wrong. You can click the link above to learn more about anxiousness in relationships. If this is you, you are likely over-giving of your time, energy, and money to make sure the relationship is stable.
This type of relationship is exhausting and many lose themselves in the relationship and don’t recognize who they have become
A narcissistic relationship is probably the worst type of relationship. It is completely damaging to your identity and sense of self. It chips away at your self-esteem, self-worth, creates massive mistrust in your ability to make decisions, to think logically and to trust yourself. You question everything.
The good news
It’s important to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You can recreate yourself at any time and it may take some courage and bravery but you will find yourself.
It’s been my personal experience that when circumstances push you in the direction where you become disconnected, and don’t know who you are, it means that what you are or were experiencing was not for your highest good and there was a more inside of you wanting to come out.